I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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