During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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