Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I could make wine with my vomit
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
