What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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