summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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