i jhust puked up my retainher.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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