eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
