Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
