I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
