I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
