nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize