I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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