The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
