yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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