When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Reggie can tackle my bush.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize