My liver just broke up with me...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
