He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
