so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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