So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
