She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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