Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
