he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
