That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
