Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
