Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
