Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
