Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
