yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
