Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My vagina is officially offended.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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