When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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