I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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