Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
this just has baby written all over it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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