you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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