i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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