I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
