I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
