Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
