Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
