Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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