Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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