who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
