And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
