Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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