I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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