his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
