what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
