Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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