Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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