Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im six kinds of drunk right now
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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