No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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