As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
