Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize