would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
