Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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