yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i permit you to call me
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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