I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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