So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
