Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize