just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
