I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
