Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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