Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
