If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
