theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
